Funny the things we think about as we age........
1 single choice when I was 19 changed the entire direction of my life in an instant. People ask if you could go back and change one thing in your life, what would it be? Wherein I wouldn't ever change anything cuz I would lose my children and spouse, if I had chosen GRCC instead of Westwood, my ENTIRE life would be different. If I had stuck with my gut I would have avoided so much hurt and pain and sadness and depression and....
But, I'm here now, right now, can't change the past, can't see the future, so I am here in the present. It's a very very scary place for me to live. I am so used to living in the past while panicking about tomorrow, that I always manage to miss the things right in front of me. So, while I know this will be a large struggle for me, I am doing this for my family. Cuz right now I can't seem to just do it for me, so I found something else to do it for. Is that the right way to do it? Yes, cuz forward motion that's for the betterment of ones self is important. It also helps put me on a track where I can finally start doing it all for me. I just still don't really like myself that much, but they do. So in the words of Kamina from one of my all time favorite anime's Teppen Taggen Gurren Lagan, "You don't have to beleive in you, beleive in me. Beleive in the Kamina who beleives in you."
So since they beleive in me, and I beleive in them, I beleive in the them that beleives in me. I know it's a weird way to go about beleiving in myself, but right now it's all I got.
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