I hate that sometimes I can sit down here and just write for hours about everything, and then other times I sit down and my brain goes blank. I have plenty I want to write about and yet I can't seem to just settle on one subject or where to begin or what I am trying to get across. I know this blog is just about me and my journey, but everything I write feels to me like I have a voice and need to use it correctly. I want to help myself by writing all of this down, and at the same time I want to use this to show others that they aren't alone in how they feel.
How do I go about that though? How do I go about sharing but at the same time helping? How do I reach out to others without taking away from my own journey? Do I just share and hope it clicks with others or do I try to always have a subject for each post to make sure people know what they are reading and how it can help them? So many questions and I have no idea how to answer them. Yet I just keep on writing, just keep jotting it all down hoping that it sticks for me and resonates for others.
So what's on my mind today then? What is it that I have to get out today? I don't know exactly, there is a lot always going on and it's hard to just sort through it all and narrow all it down to only one subject. Literally, today I have been thinking about how much my jaw hurts, how fun it was watching the superbowl, how I am exploring my sexuality, trying to make enough money to not just survive but to thrive, what kind of paladarium I want to create next, and on and on and on. It never stops, it never ever stops. Like I said in a previous post, my brain is filled with ideas and thoughts and never enough time or energy to do them all or process them all. I want to be able to process it all, I want to be able to look at things more logically and work through them, but I have no idea how to actually do that. No clue how to go about make it all work out the way I want it to.
Yet here I am, still writing. This post really hasn't been about anything specific, and yet it is about how cluttered my brain is. There is SOOOOOOOOO much going on up there all the time, I just want it to calm down for a bit, or give me the ability to actually process all of it correctly. Is that really too much to ask? To have my brain work "right". Is it really that big of an ask to have my brain actually process things how it is "supposed to", rather than the jumbled mess that it usually is? I don't know where to go from here, but I still just keep walking forward, always forward, trying so insanely hard to never go backward. There is nothing good that happens when I go backward, regardless if it is easier to do or not. Moving forward is the only option. Why? Because as my late father always said, "Time waits for no one. It doesn't care who you are or what you're going through, time waits for no one."
